28 March 2006

Mad Music Monday / Tell All Tuesday Special Edition

Again, it's one of those weeks where it seems like two days have constituted at least seven or eight.

Instant recap: Friday, fun. Saturday/Sunday/Monday/Tuesday daytime, not so fun.

You are the source
of the life.
I can't be left
behind.
no one else will do.
I will
take hold
of You.

'cause I need you,
Jesus,
to come to my rescue.
Where else can I go?
There's no other name
by which I am saved.

Capture me

with grace.
I will follow You.

I feel stuck, friends.
Like a hamster on a wheel, like peanut butter on the roof of your mouth, like a skip in your
favorite CD, like watching a really bad TV show rerun over and over and over, like taking the same class and getting the same answers wrong on the same tests you've taken before. A lot like knowing Ross and Rachel end up together at the end but it's only Season Five and they're still with the wrong people.

And I think I let this frustration and disappointment close in on itself and take over. I think I lashed out; I think that I was wrong; I think I might have hurt a friend. I feel completely humbled. And all this was a confessionary side note to the main thing:

It's not that I don't know where I am supposed to be right now.
It's just that I expected to be more joyful than this. I should be thrilled to know that I'm where I ought to be now. Most people around me are switching jobs and majors and girlfriends and wives as many times as I change clothes in a day. So I am trying to put my whole heart into it, to be happy with circumstances beyond my control that I have to believe are tailored for me and for my benefit. But, friends, it's hard. I'm very glad for the honesty of our friendship right now--it's the very often the brightest spot in my outlook on the next few years.

I guess my word for this week is acceptance. My goal is to find it and to practice it, but it seems like it should be one of those organic, passive things. So much for holding on to impatience. Time to lay that down, too.

nail-pierced hands,
wounded side,
this is love;
this is love.

this holy heart
was sacrificed.
this is love;
this is love.

i bow down to the Holy One.
i bow down to the Lamb.
i bow down to the Worthy One.
i bow down to the Lamb.

the Son of God
died for us.
this is love;
this is love.

He walked the hill;
He bore the cross.
this is love;
this is love.

I bow down to the Holy One.
I bow down to the Lamb.
I bow down to the Worthy One.
I bow down to the Lamb.

Jesus--
i love You.

nail-pierced hands,
wounded side,
this is love.
this is Love.

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